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10 thoughts on “I Don't Want To Be Crazy

  1. says:

    Check out my book blog for reviews and a full review of I Don t Want To Be Crazy A beautiful verse novel about anxiety panic disorder, written by someone who has actually gone through these things, so knows what it s like It s also a memoir, and I think Samantha Schutz is very brave for telling her story to the world Teens or anyone really who suffer from anxiety disorder, like me, will be able to relate to this book perfectly and feel like they re not alone And we all need that sometimes.It will also be a good read for those of you who like realistic stories about tough issues, or if you have a friend or family member suffering from an anxiety disorder, and want to understand them better It really felt like I was reading my own diary sometimes, and I think I m going to recommend it to some people who don t seem to understand me at all I Don t Want To Be Crazy is one of those books in which I keep underlining certain quotes because they relate to me.Someone who reviewed this book said that the author made people with anxiety seem crazy, and I was really offended, actually If anything, Samantha Schutz made people realise with this book that panic disorder is something medical, and you can t help it at all, and it does not make you crazy I just wanted to say that.


  2. says:

    I have never had anyone so closely relate to my type of anxiety before I feel like I want to hand this book to all the people I care about just so they can see what I feel like I could relate to almost everything in her memoir It makes me feel a little better that I m not alone, but sad to know that there are so many people who secretly suffer so badly It s tough always feeling like you are in and out of remission as the author puts it Ever since I was 15 my life has been a series of off again, on again with the anxiety Every time I get better, I think, this is it, this is the magic one, I m going to stay better now Then every time I crash, I worry I ll be on meds the rest of my life.If you suffer from mental illness, I highly recommend this It will be tough to read for sure, but enlightening to have someone understand If you ve never had any issues, I m not sure if it would be a good read I wish people would read it and understand, but I m just not sure it s something everyone would enjoy.


  3. says:

    I remembered the meme I hosted for the first half of April, and Samantha Schutz s I Don t Want To Be Crazy is a book that I would like to dedicate to myself Haha I am no stranger to anxiety and panic attacks, but mine does not hold candle in terms of gravity to Samantha s this being a memoir of sorts Reading this feels like reading a normal teenage girl s journal A normal teenage girl with anxiety disorder, to be specific than 19 million American adults and than one in ten children and adolescents have an anxiety disorder according to United States Surgen General But sometimes though one would want to read the journal of a normal teenage girl with anxiety disorder, who writes prose with potency To clarify it s not that the content isn t powerful, because it is You will know that it is indeed straight from the heart, in it s honesty and clarity in the depiction of anxiety disorder, that only those who actually experience it, can do The pounding in your chest, that feeling of being on the edge, the emptiness, the fullness, the statis, the indecision, the dread, the anticipation and the insurmountable number of fears There are plenty of heart wrenching moments, the level of which could have reached ten fold had there been punch to the prose This being a verse novel, I wanted metaphors, drama and music in the words and sentences But still honesty trumps prose in my opinion And honest, this book is.This story helps ease the stigma surrounding mental illness, which really, is like any other disease, and it cannot be done away with a keep calm and carry on quote And ultimately, the author in revealing her condition, sort of says to those with the same illness, that you are not alone, and you are not alone in this, as brothers we will stand and we ll hold your hand, hold your hand..that s Timshell by Mumford and Sons LOL Sorry, sabog na drops dead from exhaustion XD


  4. says:

    2.5 StarsI m no expert on free verse,but I m not certain thattaking everyday sentences andbreaking them into stanzas counts as poetry Perhaps I was expecting a eloquent voice,and while there are gems here, most of this memoir readslike a shattered paragraph.That said, there is courage in these pages Living day to day with a mental illness such as Anxiety Disorder takes a special kind of strength, a strength that many people who ve never had a panic attack might not appreciate Samantha Schutz takes her bravery to the next level in this frank memoir as she talks about a very painful time in her life Are you one of those lucky people who ve never had a public meltdown Or maybe you know someone who has Schutz will walk you expertly through it, from the shaking hands to the hot and cold flashes to the overwhelming certainty that everyone in the room knows how crazy she thinks she is This memoir follows Schutz through four years of college, starting with her first panic attack freshman year while in Writing Seminar, continuing with a disastrous trip to Europe, and finally leveling out post graduation, all the while she thoroughly documents her therapies and medications Strong focus was given to the situations which make her feel especially vulnerable, such as a crowded lecture hall and the cafeteria or any situation where there s loud chatter and crowds and social expectations There is lots of talk about parties and friends and making out with boys and wanting to break away from parental authority And this is fine for the first quarter of the memoir But then things start getting REPETITIVE Over and over, she has to leave a party dinner random event early because of panic she wonders if this boy or that boy will ever call her back and, of course, will she ever get over these incessant panic attacks And thenrinse and repeat More parties, boys, panic Because of the concise but clipped narrative poetry , we don t get a fully fleshed out world or relationships, and so one overwhelming party becomes the next, one nervous dinner is indistinguishable from all the rest, one person the same as the other, another therapist prescribes another drug And so on and so on and so on, until the thoughtful truths and genuine issues presented get muddled down by the reader s need to just have it end already And okay, yes, there is a certain poetic symmetry to this as each panic attacks piles onto the last, Schutz just wonders if it will ever end But aside from feeling as if I experienced a panic attack myself while reading it, I don t feel like this memoir had a strong message or a particularly inspiring resolution I think writing it and getting her story to the world was an important and brave step in Shutz s recovery, and undoubtedly there are people out there who will relate to this book and find it valuable If you suffer from Anxiety Disorder and need to know you are not alone, this memoir is for you If you know someone who suffers from panic attacks, but you can t quite understand what it is they re experiencing, this memoir is for you If you are looking for a page tuner or eloquent poetry, if you are looking for an in depth and detailed look at the causes, complications, and aftermath of mental illness, you should probably look elsewhere Instead, I recommend Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen.Best Lines All I can hear is my voice in my head telling me things are not right that I am not right I am the cure and the disease Passing out makes me think about death about the moment before dying and how it must feel to be pulled away from everything you love and have no control The only thing that makes me feel better is the thought of slightly stiff hospital sheets, the scent of disinfectant, and a tag on my wrist I fear my whole life will be exactly like this seen from behind my eyes, never touching I ve built myself safety nets, but they bind me like a web.


  5. says:

    I can t believeno one else can hear.I can screaming inside my head I am going to die.I am going to die.I am going to die These are some of the thoughts that represent how Samantha Schutz feels quite often throughout the years represented in the poetic memoir I Don t Want to be Crazy The memoir begins with a high school graduate anxiously waiting for the day she leaves for college Though excited for new possibilities and experiences, she is afraid Samantha is afraid that things will get harder, harder than leaving my parents house harder than dealing with Jason harder than high school She knows her life is about to change and that she will no longer get to be a carefree kid As Samantha goes off to school, she starts meeting new people and experiencing new things She hangs out with friends, goes to parties, and does some recreational drugs These may seem like typical college activities, but soon Samantha began to get overwhelmed She started experiencing strange symptoms sweating, shaking, racing thoughts Eventually, she realizes that these are panic attacks and they begin to rule her life She goes to counseling and starts taking a series of medications, which usually only work for a little while Samantha is constantly afraid of everyday situations that seem as simple as walking into a cafeteria She suffers from anxiety and suicidal thoughts She constantly wonders who can see her symptoms Who can tell she is shaking Who can tell that she is panicking as she sits in class Who knows that she is about to make a quick exit from this party Samantha generally tries to hide her problems and avoid people because her parents, friends, and boyfriends never seem to understand what she is going through throughout her early years of college Finally, she meets Rebecca Rebecca becomes her rock the person she can turn to at any time when she needs advice, a shoulder to cry on, or a way out of a situation With the help of Rebecca, multiple therapists, and several different medications, Samantha starts to get better Her panic attacks become less and less frequent, and after four years of hardships, the memoir ends with a ray of hope suggesting that maybe Samantha will be able to live a normal, happy, healthy life I am in a house I am in one room and my anxiety is in another This is a novel that deals with a college student and many adult issues, but the language is fairly simple, making it easily accessible for high school students This would be a great novel to explore during a unit on coming of age or identity Though Samantha is slightly older than the students that would be reading this book, her story is a great example of growing up She deals with leaving home, leaving friends, having to make new friends, experiencing new things, partying, sexuality, and of course having an anxiety disorder Many of these issues would relate to teenagers I might go in the direction of trying to use this novel in a unit on identity I Don t Want to Be Crazy would be great for exploring how we see ourselves versus how others see us Samantha has all these ideas about herself, who she is, and what is happening to her Through her poetic thoughts, we also see how concerned she is with the way that others see her Though there are no firsthand accounts from other characters about how they actually see her, we can explore the way she thinks others including her parents, friends, classmates, and therapists view her and her anxiety disorder There are a few sexual encounters and moments where she feels suicidal, but I still think it is appropriate for a high school classroom This novel could also be used to study language and style and their effect on the reader When I was reading this book, the way it was written made me feel anxious when she was having a panic attack it made me feel scared when she was scared it made me feel happy when she was happy I think that the language is so powerful here that it would certainly be worthwhile to study.


  6. says:

    This was okay nowhere near like what the reader gets with Ellen Hopkins or Sonya Sones but that s just dealing with the verse aspect of the book The other authors are fiction writers whereas this is non I thought it was a little repetitive also but I suppose a life full of anxiety attacks might be repetitive I will admit that I had no idea people dealt with anxiety to this degree I ve taken an anti anxiety medicine myself and apparently barely needed it when I think about what Schutz went through.


  7. says:

    This book chronicles the author s struggles with anxiety disorder, begining with her high school graduation and ending a year after college graduation Written in free verse, Schutz clearly conveys the panic and fear associated with her disoder Her story is gripping and powerful.


  8. says:

    I m grateful that this book exists, and that that Samantha Schutz wrote these poems and published despite the incredible sense of vulnerability that she felt I don t have clinical anxiety disorder, much less a case as severe as Schutz s, but I m glad that this collection has helped me better understand and sympathize with those who do The poetry didn t pull me under, though, or whisk me away in a tide of feelings that are often difficult to put words to That said, representationmatters and it s important that many people reading this collection have felt seen, heard, and not alone.


  9. says:

    I grabbed this book at a library book sale earlier this week where I paid a whopping twenty cents for 4 books sigh I m not sure where to start with this one On one hand, I almost thought I was going to go crazy reading it Become depressed or irritated Buton the other hand it was wonderful Wonderful in a weird, distorted sort of way In a way that only people who have had issues with anxiety panic attacks would understand, or only someone who has seen a loved one suffer from this would understand It s a memoir written in verse, which is something I ve never read before It was really interesting The style of writing gave an incredibly real feel to everything If you know someone who suffers from anxiety or panic attacksor you do yourself, I would recommend this book There are some things that we can t see with the human eye Someone can have a mental illness, and you would never know just by looking at them But that doesn t mean they re not suffering It doesn t mean that it s not real The fear The pressure The never ending what ifs.


  10. says:

    I checked out this book from the library after forgeting to bring my own book to our silent reading, and it actually turned out to be pretty good It is all about a girl who is just starting college, and she realizes that she has many problems with anxiety that never bothered her before She suddenly starts having panic attacks in class and has to start taking a bunch of meds, and decides to back off on hanging out with people for fear of having panic attacks I realized, when reading this, I could relate to some of her feelings Though I do not have panic attacks like her, I could relate to her thoughts of not fitting in or anything happening in public I also liked how it was written in a kind of poem journal way This would be a good book for anyone who understands that some people are just not the same as others and may have problems without even knowing it.